As humans we are constantly learning and adjusting from input. This post is about how other people learn and adjust to input from us, at work.
You should reward the behavior you want to see more of.
Which means you need to know what your colleagues find rewarding. (And what behavior you want to see more of!)
In animal training, punishment causes a behavior to decrease, but often with fallout: if you honk an air horn when your dog goes into the kitchen to steal food and it scares them, your dog might stop trying to steal food in there! It might also suddenly be afraid of linoleum floors. Punishment sometimes only temporarily suppresses the behavior: a horse checked by a sharp bit will probably still blast through you if you switch back to something gentler. (To say nothing of how it affects the punished animal’s feelings about, and trust in, the punisher.)
Positive reinforcement, with something the animal finds rewarding, will cause a behavior to increase. This is the cornerstone of modern animal training. Usually we use markers, like a clicker or a verbal “yes!”, to point out the exact moment of doing-the-right thing, mostly because we can’t use our words to explain.
Humans are more complicated than this. We generally don’t reward our coworkers by giving them little cookies. And yet! I respond to punishment and reward too. And so do your colleagues.
If someone snaps at me for making a mistake, I will try not to make that mistake again, because I really dislike being yelled at. (Fallout: this is not a safe person to make mistakes around. Fallout: I will spend energy on covering my ass that I could have spent on doing better work. Fallout: if it’s more than just a one-off, I will not pull out my best for this person.)
If someone gives me a sincere compliment about making small atomic PRs, I will remember that and probably try to reproduce it. If I am given a cash bonus for implementing a test suite that reduces bugs shipped, I’m definitely going to remember that. (Conversely: if I receive a bonus for pulling heroic hours to fix an incident, I’ll remember that — and if test suites go unremarked upon, I at the very least have a bit less incentive to write one.)
Like I said, humans are complicated. It’s not just punishment/reward in, less/more of that behavior out.
But still. People will, on the whole, avoid what feels bad and go toward what feels good.
(Side note: unfortunately punishment is often pretty rewarding to the punisher — that is, it makes us feel good. It can become a tool people rely on for emotional regulation or because they don’t have many others, and that sucks.)
There are so many complicating factors I want to write a whole essay of them! But we do more of what feels good, and when people are showing up to work in good faith, they generally want to be seen & rewarded for their hard efforts and do things that their colleagues and management chain like. So, you should reward (broadly interpreted) the behavior you want to see more of.
Your boss gave you a compliment on your proposal along with critical feedback, and that made you feel good? TELL ‘EM THAT. For good measure, tell them that the positive feedback helps you know what to do more of next time.
Your teammate turned around a PR review super fast? Thank them in standup or a DM. Make them a gif of a ribbon that says “#1 Unblocker” and has sparkles. Review their PR super fast and mention that you’re trying to get on their level because a culture of quick turnaround makes the team better.
Your report shipped an incredibly thoughtfully designed feature, kept tightly in scope and landed before the deadline? You better be putting like 8 reactjis on their post on Slack. 💪🏻✨🚀👏🏻⭐️🌌🧠 with some high fives for good measure. Probably also use your words to tell them how thoughtfully designed, tightly scoped, and on-time it was. Probably also mention that to your boss.
Someone who you have power over trusted you with critical feedback? Thank them. Breathe. Keep your own emotional reaction, if any, to yourself. Consider: do I want this person to come to me with critical feedback in the future? If so, you need to reward them for bringing it to you, because that is the behavior you want. Not punish it…even if you don’t like the feedback. This, my friends, is the builder of trust.
Someone listened to what you asked for when you said you want a heads up when they’ll need your input…and now they’re asking you for input? Reward them by giving thorough, thoughtful attention to the thing they need your perspective on.
One common thread about the examples given in this post is that it’s specific feedback (further post to come soon). Another related concept: trust people and give them feedback to improve their judgment instead of keeping them on a short leash.